Linda Scribbles











{October 19, 2021}   On the cusp of change

Or hopefully I am, anyway.  (Thirty-three has yet to take me out! Would you look at that!) The recent efforts toward change in my life have made me reflective, the hour a strange kind of nostalgic for the almosts and life events missed. I’m thinking about all the ways I held back or was held back from being everything that I am and could have grown into, the life experiences I can’t go back and share, the people who would have loved me and who I wanted very much to love– someone asked me recently what my goals were. In the context of that space where they were asking, I was fairly certain of the kind of answer they wanted, but my smart ass opted to get cute about it and ask if they meant in life generally orrrrr– but then as I answered, I realized my answer would have been more or less the same; I want experience, I want stories. And I became a bit emotional when my brain finally clicked on how that has always really been all I wanted. It never seemed like a valid answer, because it wasn’t a thing that could obviously be directly translated into a productive and monetizable pursuit, not one that had ever been expressed as worth the time and effort to do so. Stories and storytelling, like most arts, were (are) severely undervalued, and I internalized that way too hard. For all that stories have been my whole heart, my most sacred sanctuary and most beloved vice, and I feel passionately about the power and artistry in storytelling, I’m finding I’m still struggling with the concept that writing could be a viable career option for me. This is one more thing where I’ve allowed myself to hold back. I’m angry about it, if I’m being honest. And then that just cycles me around to being angry and grieving for the parts of me that have languished, the versions of me left behind, snuffed out before I had the chance to explore them, the me and all the stories I would have had if in just a few more instances I’d had the room to take the chance and not let fear from others wear so deep into me. To the baby me who knew no better and chose to be safe, I’m sorry I did that to us and I love you for doing your best to get us here. To the me yet to come (should we make it past thirty-three, lol), I’m sorry it took so long to figure this out properly, so we could do better still. May we be everything we needed that no one else managed for us, and may we shed more and more still the reservations that have not served us. May we be everything we have always felt afraid to be.

That was meant to just be a brief note about– well, I’m not really sure, I suppose. Reflection and regret and resolve? And then about how I’ve somehow not had the motivation to write for All Hallow’s Read, even though I’ve been anxiously muttering for months that I need to write, so as to not be scrambling ONE MORE YEAR AGAIN to bang something out, and now it’s over halfway through October. So here we are again! Here we are again. Why?

This post got away from me. If you’ve stuck it out to the end, hello there. Thank you and I hope you’re hydrated and as well and safe as can be. I won’t say anything about the current state of the world, because it’s exhausting, but wherever you are in it, I love you.



{October 31, 2020}   Most of my plants are still alive

And so am I, and, as far as I know, everyone close to me. I’m anxious, but I’ll take it.

All Hallow’s Read gift for you all! I hope it finds you as safe and as in much good spirits as you can muster this year. This was not the adventure we asked for, but here we are.

I love you all.



{October 13, 2019}   All Hallow’s Read 2019

Every year I swear up and down I’m not going to put off writing for All Hallow’s Read until the last minute. For the most part I have been writing, but the finishing is also important, and not so much of that has been happening. I have exactly one completed piece. Just the one. I’m actually pretty happy with it, too, but I can’t help feeling like even if it was the best thing I’ve ever written, it’s not enough. Life is happening, as ever, and my day job saps my time, energy, and mental space, but it’s not impossible to scribble things here and there, so it feels like I should have a lot more to share. It feels like the finishing shouldn’t be nearly so infrequent. I don’t have a positive note to add to this. I suppose I’m just venting my frustration with myself out into the you who may be surprised to find yourself still here. We can be surprised together. Fingers crossed I can bang out just a few more bits and bobs for your reading pleasure.



{November 1, 2018}   All Hallow’s Read 2018

I have (late as ever) A GIFT for you all!  Not as much finished as I would have preferred, but I’m honestly just super jazzed to have anything to post.  I say it every year, but heck, why not– This is what I get for waiting ’til the last minute to do my writing!  It’s there for your reading pleasure, anyway.

One super silly:  How Rude

One a tiny snapshot:  For Who

Hope everyone’s had a lovely and safe Halloween adventure evening!  I love you all!  Please stay as safe as can be.



{November 1, 2017}   Post All Hallow’s Read (woops) 

I have a single tiny completed thing that I actually just completely failed to post as an All Hallow’s Read gift.  (And three halfway things, but that’s neither here nor there.) Welp, soooo– tada! Belated happy Halloween! Hope everyone was safe as can be!

Love and adventure to all of you! 

Boo

This is my pet fish, Boo. 

You can’t see him, but he used to be blue. 

He used to swim in his tank 

’til the sun went and sank. 

Always the prettiest fish to behold. 

But then the day came

When the truth became plain

That my finned little friend was old. 

‘What will I do without you!’ I cried,

‘Who will dance with me to the polka with pride!’ 

And then he was belly up;

I couldn’t bear to look. 

My best friend had clearly died. 

We flushed him with flowers, 

A few words were said, 

And I swear when the accordion played

I saw him dancing just there to the side. 

‘You’re just tired,’ Dad tried. 

‘You just miss him,’ Mom sighed. 

But I tell you I saw him. 

I definitely know that sassy glide. 

Sure enough when the lights went out

A flicker and a flash and a funny tail flop

And there was my buddy shining high up in the dark.

Maybe I should have been scared, 

But it’s actually really the best. 

Now he comes with me wherever I go, 

And when he dances, you wouldn’t believe the glow. 

Will he be with me forever?

I can’t really know, but maybe he’ll stay ’til I also go. 



{October 9, 2017}   It’s not NaNoWriMo, but oof!

At the very least a year has not passed since last I posted!  So there’s that.  I’ll take the win, even if it’s tiny.

Just a super quick update to motivate me to keep going.  I’m writing for All Hallow’s Read, again!  I mean, once again, I’m writing at the last minute, but I’m blitzing through and the stories are there and I’m in a decent enough headspace as things progress, so I feel good about it.  I’m actually pretty confident I’ll have a gift for you all come Halloween!  Wish me luck!  Love you all!

Motivated adventuring, yaaaass!



{October 31, 2016}   I made no promises!

But I kind of did.  In my head.  You just didn’t know about it, because I didn’t tell you , because I wasn’t sure of what I could swing.

This year’s been all kinds of bananas!  Whole bowls of fruit!  Personally speaking, it hasn’t been terrible.  It hasn’t been kind, but within the sphere of my little life, nothing major has gone amiss.  It’s just been busy.  I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to do “All Hallow’s Read” this year.  But I did!  I finished things!  (Still a tiny triumph every time.) And I’m pretty happy with them!  They’re not long and I’m not entirely sure you could call them poems or stories or what have you.  I’m calling them little bits.  Now to go collapse.

Little bitty adventures, goooo!  Happy Halloween, folks!  Love!



I know I swear up and down every time I will update more than once a year, and I’m inclined to do it again, but we all know the probability.  I won’t say.  Please don’t you say it, either.

A lot of things are happening in the world, as things do, but it’s like they’re all clambering too fast and crashing in on top of each other.  It feels like there’s no room to breathe, to open your mouth to let anything in or out.  I once again find myself in a spot where I want to scream and cry and sing and laugh and beg and flail in response to it all, against all of it and in the face of all of it.  I want to commit sudden acts of affection on all of you, each of you one at a time and all at once, just so you can say you have at least one positive thing to report for the day:  someone loved you, it was surprising, it was strange and not unpleasant(?), it wasn’t bad news.  Any combination there of.  All of the above.

I don’t have enough tea in my office to bring myself back down (up?), so of course my heart isn’t really in anything I’m doing today.  It’s kind of all over the place.  My day job– thank goodness– is super quiet today, which would normally be a great time to scribble all over whatever scratch pads or sticky notes I have on hand.  All Hallow’s Read is coming.  I should be writing.  All my internal ink wells are being uncooperative.  I guess you could try to claim hopping around twitter and tumblr and the rest of the internet is a kind of refilling process?  Taking in new information and letting my head spin new thoughts from scraps and FEELINGS and life?  (Good grief, this post is such a mess already–)  Well, it’s not inaccurate, I guess?

Just so I have something to show for myself for the day, I decided to clean out my desk a bit.  I’ve apparently been stashing more snippets than I thought in the pen drawer.  It wasn’t exactly a rat’s nest?  But it did kinda look like a poor attempt to build a paper home in a too tiny space.  I’ve collected some of them here for you in case you’re curious.

That’s more or less all I wanted to say.  Lost things.  Found things.  As ever, life is never the adventure we quite want, and definitely not one we ever really expect.  I love you all.  Be as safe as can be, please.



{November 1, 2015}   From a hotel, with love

I finished things!  I FINISHED THINGS!  It’s been so uncommon for me to actually bring a story to an end in the last– well, you can look back at the posts.  I’m belatedly going a little bit into shock over this.  They’ve been done for a few days now.  Everything has been so bananas, though.  Whole bowls of fruit, really.  And it’s probably not my best work, but I’m just so delighted to have SOMETHING- three THINGS- done to offer you for All Hallow’s Read!  Posted the stories earlier from my phone, but didn’t get a chance to write this post, so this is kind of a post-Halloween gift.  Oh, weeeeeell, here it all is!  Tada!

I actually almost had four things to post!  Work happened, though.  All month, I’ve had the picture of Neil Gaiman with the text “You should be writing.” as my desktop image on my work computer.  It is strangely effective.  It also helped that a number of friends who are similarly of a writerly persuasion wanted to get together to share stories for Halloween, too. My husband also wanted to take our stories to read to children, and that was very helpful.

I’m really liking this thing where having people request to put that pressure on you (“you” being me) actually motivates instead of sending you-me spiraling into fits of frozen terror at the thought of doing anything at all while someone hovers near fully expecting and ready to catch.  I have nothing to pitch.  I have so many things I could pitch if they’d just hold still.  What even is pitching?  I am the ball.

But then there were THINGS!  That happened!  It’s so nice.  I was actually beginning to worry that I’d lost my mental story crafting limb.  I don’t know that I can properly express how relieved I am that it’s still there.

Aaaanyway!

Work is still happening, actually.  Briefly visiting family for Halloween and then on to a day-job-related conference.  I feel like such an adult.  It feels weird.

Writing adventures.  Fruit adventures.  Work adventures.  So much adulting adventures.

This has been very clear, I’m sure.  We got this.  Onward!



I’ve been neglecting the blog again. (Are all my blog posts going to start like this from now on?) I’ve been neglecting writing in general. I’ve been neglecting everything, maybe. Being sick (nothing serious, probably just a bug), especially when you’re not sure what did it, apparently makes me disgustingly introspective. James brought me chicken soup I’m not sure I should be eating, but I’m eating it anyway, because love. I refuse to neglect love. Also, chicken soup is nice.

In print that sounds a lot more noble than desperate as it feels in my head and sounds in my mouth. I kind of hate it.

I keep trying to sit down to make words happen with a physical pen and a tangible piece of paper, so I’ll stop interrupting dreams to write down in dream the narration or to describe very precisely what’s happening or the smell or the sound or the sight of some tiny detail. Get on with the story, will you, brain? Lousy jerk. It’s not productive. It’s definitely irritating.

Anyway, the writing obviously still isn’t going well. I get anxious about characters I don’t even have yet. I get anxious that I’ll get bored and forget my characters and their lives and leave them– just leave them!– hanging there in a sort of halted world, stuck and neglected and frustrated and confused. They’re not real. But my brain gets attached and wants to take care of them. It’s highly problematic. It’s highly illogical. It’s not even a little bit reasonable. It scares me. Nothing new. I guess this is the point where once again I attempt to seek help. Maybe the writing was my therapy and I’ve done this to myself. Does it count as self destructive if you didn’t realize it would happen, but then couldn’t stop when you did? This is the kind of thing I normally probably would have dropped onto my tumblr if at all, but it’s sort of a writing related thing, and this space needed some attention, so here it is. Hello. I hope you’re all doing well. Nobody panic.

I’ve made it my new goal to finish one thing for All Hallow’s Read, even if it’s just another installment of Beasts— I refuse to believe I’ve abandoned it. The scenes still exist. My characters are shifting from foot to foot in different costumes at different times. I just have to make it happen. Anxious about the fate of characters? Logically, then, sort out their fate and be done with it. Nonsensical gut-twisting jitteriness gone. A+B=C. Easy. Right, wish me luck. Hesitant adventure, go!

Update:  My “bug” is a 5mm kidney stone.  Oh, goody!  Eeesh.



et cetera
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