Linda Edwards Scribbles











There’s a lot going on again (again, again, again, AGAIN, AGAIN), and it’s making me introspective.  Trying to use that inclination to be productive.  Indulge me a bit, please.

There are so many things I go over and over in my head about, even waaaay long after the fact.  I mean, yes, stupid little things, like responding to “enjoy your meal” with “you, too!” Or thinking if I’d just checked a third time to be sure my work keys were in my backpack–  And stupid things from first grade, conversations with people I hardly even remember–  Going over arguments I never actually even had–  Because that’s useful.

I keep going back to my one and only attempt at a not-horror-murdery-spooky story, where I was dubious from the beginning if I’m even capable of writing something light / romancey (I talked just a little about it in 2013).  There are parts of it I can see I scrabbled for, because I had no idea what this thing was supposed to look like.  I’d read a couple of other Happy Ending type things here and there that I wasn’t enthusiastic about and when I look at that story now, it’s like someone vaguely explained to me what a giraffe looks like and I thought I could make one out of Dumpster scraps that would be just as good as the real thing if I just used enough super glue and force of will.  I took common components I’d found in other stories and out of sheer desperation (and no small amount of low confidence), just– painted them in a rough approximation of what I thought would make it fit in with the other giraffes.  There are bits I don’t even remember writing, but I know what it looks like when I’m trying to force it to work.  It looks like sloppy scenes and cheap-shot troubles.  The further away I get from that time, the more I’m disgusted with it and I want to print several copies just to get the visceral thrill of burning the words physically, and in doing so, burning them from my mind.  (Guess who’s feeling melodramatic!)  I just really wanted to be able to do the thing.  And I did it with such a half-assed approach.  While I’ve never really cared for much that I write, it’s one of the few things I think I’m maybe ACTUALLY ashamed of.  There are bits I know I didn’t really even want to touch and I still used them!  That’s how little I bothered!  I feel like I really owe it to those characters to give them proper lives and to apologize for having them exist purely for my own convenience.  Yes, I’m aware they’re fictional and my own creation, but uuuugh.

Ultimately, though, I don’t think I want to try to rework that one and I keep thinking maybe I really should take it down.

THEN AGAIN MAYBE IT SHOULD STAND AS A TESTAMENT TO MY DISGRACE.  THIS WRITER IS A WORK IN PROGRESS.  LET IT BE KNOWN THAT SHE RELIED ON THE CHEAPEST, EASIEST TO GRAB PARTS INSTEAD OF TAKING THE TIME AND CARE NECESSARY TO BUILD A GOOD WORLD AND STRONG CHARACTERS.

Either way, I don’t want to rework it.  If I’m going to delve into unfamiliar territory, I need to do my goddamn research and actually bother to think about how human interaction works.  It’s not like I don’t know there’s no mold to good story telling.  It’s certainly not how I approach the spooky or silly things I write, so why the heck did I even think that might be okay to write anything else?  Goooosh.  I need to just do something new.  Maybe scavenge a bit from that disaster, but probably not much at all.

Right, enough scolding myself.  Just need to do the thing.  I need to write happy things.  I’m tired.  It really needs to be happy things.

I love you all.

Advertisements


{November 1, 2017}   Post All Hallow’s Read (woops) 

I have a single tiny completed thing that I actually just completely failed to post as an All Hallow’s Read gift.  (And three halfway things, but that’s neither here nor there.) Welp, soooo– tada! Belated happy Halloween! Hope everyone was safe as can be!

Love and adventure to all of you! 

Boo

This is my pet fish, Boo. 

You can’t see him, but he used to be blue. 

He used to swim in his tank 

’til the sun went and sank. 

Always the prettiest fish to behold. 

But then the day came

When the truth became plain

That my finned little friend was old. 

‘What will I do without you!’ I cried,

‘Who will dance with me to the polka with pride!’ 

And then he was belly up;

I couldn’t bear to look. 

My best friend had clearly died. 

We flushed him with flowers, 

A few words were said, 

And I swear when the accordion played

I saw him dancing just there to the side. 

‘You’re just tired,’ Dad tried. 

‘You just miss him,’ Mom sighed. 

But I tell you I saw him. 

I definitely know that sassy glide. 

Sure enough when the lights went out

A flicker and a flash and a funny tail flop

And there was my buddy shining high up in the dark.

Maybe I should have been scared, 

But it’s actually really the best. 

Now he comes with me wherever I go, 

And when he dances, you wouldn’t believe the glow. 

Will he be with me forever?

I can’t really know, but maybe he’ll stay ’til I also go. 



{October 31, 2016}   I made no promises!

But I kind of did.  In my head.  You just didn’t know about it, because I didn’t tell you , because I wasn’t sure of what I could swing.

This year’s been all kinds of bananas!  Whole bowls of fruit!  Personally speaking, it hasn’t been terrible.  It hasn’t been kind, but within the sphere of my little life, nothing major has gone amiss.  It’s just been busy.  I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to do “All Hallow’s Read” this year.  But I did!  I finished things!  (Still a tiny triumph every time.) And I’m pretty happy with them!  They’re not long and I’m not entirely sure you could call them poems or stories or what have you.  I’m calling them little bits.  Now to go collapse.

Little bitty adventures, goooo!  Happy Halloween, folks!  Love!



{November 1, 2015}   From a hotel, with love

I finished things!  I FINISHED THINGS!  It’s been so uncommon for me to actually bring a story to an end in the last– well, you can look back at the posts.  I’m belatedly going a little bit into shock over this.  They’ve been done for a few days now.  Everything has been so bananas, though.  Whole bowls of fruit, really.  And it’s probably not my best work, but I’m just so delighted to have SOMETHING- three THINGS- done to offer you for All Hallow’s Read!  Posted the stories earlier from my phone, but didn’t get a chance to write this post, so this is kind of a post-Halloween gift.  Oh, weeeeeell, here it all is!  Tada!

I actually almost had four things to post!  Work happened, though.  All month, I’ve had the picture of Neil Gaiman with the text “You should be writing.” as my desktop image on my work computer.  It is strangely effective.  It also helped that a number of friends who are similarly of a writerly persuasion wanted to get together to share stories for Halloween, too. My husband also wanted to take our stories to read to children, and that was very helpful.

I’m really liking this thing where having people request to put that pressure on you (“you” being me) actually motivates instead of sending you-me spiraling into fits of frozen terror at the thought of doing anything at all while someone hovers near fully expecting and ready to catch.  I have nothing to pitch.  I have so many things I could pitch if they’d just hold still.  What even is pitching?  I am the ball.

But then there were THINGS!  That happened!  It’s so nice.  I was actually beginning to worry that I’d lost my mental story crafting limb.  I don’t know that I can properly express how relieved I am that it’s still there.

Aaaanyway!

Work is still happening, actually.  Briefly visiting family for Halloween and then on to a day-job-related conference.  I feel like such an adult.  It feels weird.

Writing adventures.  Fruit adventures.  Work adventures.  So much adulting adventures.

This has been very clear, I’m sure.  We got this.  Onward!



et cetera
%d bloggers like this: